Keys
by Ph33r the island ona
Summary: Randomness again. They're clearing out Opal Koboi's house, and they come across a black box no one can open. Foaly gets mad, of course, and makes a pixie cry in the process. One or two chapters only.


_Keys_

Hey, people. I'm alive. Don't worry, I'll update my other stories when inspiration strikes. But right now, nothing. Nada. Just this. I got the idea when I was running around the house, looking for keys to a drawer. In the end, the thing I was looking for was not in the drawer. Pathetic, isn't it? I'm sure it's happened to some of you. Anyway, I stayed up Monday night to write this, the first part, at least. The rest I wrote during accounting class, when I was supposed to be listening. No wonder I'm not doing well in that class. Well, that and the fact that I'm an unorganized klutz.

This is an incredibly long and boring thing I made, completely random, and inspired by being locked out of a drawer in my own room. It's too long. My friend says I have to cut it. But, anyway…

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. Insert witty disclaimer line here.

Thanks to: Katrina, my beta tester. Although I still hate you for adding that extra line to reviewer replies, you are still overall trustworthy P I still think you're crazy for liking Artemis. Just as I think you're crazy for liking Hao.

Originally oneshot, but Katrina made me cut it, it was too long. I think it'll be two chapters now.

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_Foaly was getting mad. He was supposed to be happy: Justice was being served at last, and Opal was going to jail; permanently this time. The LEP suspected her of many more crimes, so they obtained a search for Koboi Labs and Opal's mansion. The search of Koboi Labs proved successful, and they found evidence of illegal experiments in cloning and creation of banned weapons like softnoses, enough evidence to hold up in court._

_But Opal's mansion was not as successful. They found some things, of course: papers linking her to the Bwa Kell, papers linking her to the production of softnoses, and a well-thought out Plan C—a backup in case her probe plan failed. That was a good thing, though, now that they knew her plan they could take steps to stop it. Foaly was happy about that. But what really upset Foaly was a small, locked box._

It was a busy day for the LEP. Many of them were assigned to clear out Koboi's mansion, looking for evidence. Foaly was there, too, in case they needed to break a few codes or get past a few firewalls. He brought with him a team of techies, to help around and do the grunt work.

Since the techies could handle most of the things here, he didn't have much to do. He contented himself with laughing at the Retrieval jocks as they struggled to sort out the mountain of paperwork Opal still had in her bureau. They thought they would be searching the house. They weren't expecting to do _paperwork_.

Foaly was mocking their pathetic attempts when one of the techies scurried over, carrying a small, locked box.

It didn't look like much. It was black, and had a keyhole right in the middle of it. But upon closer inspection, it was revealed to have been made of stealth ore. If Koboi had gone to the lengths of creating something out of stealth ore, then it was probably important.

The pixie carrying the box looked nervous and unhappy. She probably had some bad news, since she looked that way.

Foaly stopped examining the box, and looked at her. "What is it? Did you break it, or what?"

"Well, sir, we got this box here," the pixie said, shifting uncomfortably. "It won't open."

Unconcerned, Foaly went back to examining the box. "Have you tried using the Onmitool?"

It wasn't like Koboi to use a keyhole lock. They were known to be unreliable, and weren't commonly used under the world anymore, since the invention of the Omnitool. But still, since Opal had used up stealth ore for this particular box, it had to be important.

The pixie was new, and had certainly forgotten about the handy little omnitool. Yes, that was probably why it wouldn't open. His inventions _always _worked. Foaly sighed, and made a mental note to make sure the techies listened to his lectures. They forgot the most _basic_ things…

"But, see, I did," said the pixie, looking more nervous by the second. "It didn't work."

That comment cut Foaly's train of thought. Didn't work? It couldn't be. His inventions always worked. She must have done something wrong. So he asked in a calm way what she had done wrong.

"Are you sure you used it right?" Foaly snapped. "Give me that."

Foaly grabbed the omnitool out of the pixie's hands, explaining how it worked. "Remember, it can take up to five seconds for it to open."

He waited. The box should be opening any time now. But it didn't. The box stayed stubbornly closed, the omnitool apparently useless.

Struggling for a rational explanation, he interrogated the techie.

"Did you break this? Because you'll have to pay for it."

The pixie was nearly in tears now. "But, it's not my fault!" She protested. "I was trying to open it and the omnitool…"

She paused, and pointed to the omnitool again.

"Melted."

"You _melted_ the omnitool?" Foaly asked, irritated. "Do you know how much one of these costs? This is coming out of your paycheck!"

Pixies are very emotional creatures. It just so happened that this one was very sensitive. Foaly getting mad at her was her breaking point, and she burst into tears.

"It—It's not my fault!" she wailed. "I just tried to open it, and it wouldn't and it broke, and it melted, and you're mean!"

She was completely distressed then, tears streaming down her face. Her loud sobs caught the attention of the LEP officers nearby.

Foaly was alarmed. He hadn't meant to make anyone cry. He tried explaining and apologizing.

"I'm really sorry, you're new, right? I didn't mean to make you cry, that's how I treat everyone…"

"I'm not… crying!" she said, between sobs. "I… am … NOT… crying!"

"Right," he said. "It's not your fault, I'm sorry. I was mean. I won't touch your paycheck."

The pixie continued to cry, louder now. She didn't appear to hear Foaly over her crying.

Foaly raised his voice to be heard over her frustrated sobs. "Right, you can go now."

After one final sob, the pixie finally ran out of the room, leaving Foaly with the unknowable box and the broken Omnitool.

One of the LEP officers who had witnessed the scene went over to Foaly, barely concealing a grin.

"Congratulations, Foaly, you just made a little girl cry," Trouble Kelp said. "Aren't you proud?"

Foaly ignored the comment, and set to work on the box. The omnitool really seemed to have melted, and was therefore useless. Still undaunted, Foaly looked for his omnitool.

At that moment, Chix Verbil walked in, looking puzzled.

"I just ran into that new technician girl," said Chix. "She was running out of here really fast and crying about omnitools."

"Foaly made her cry," Trouble explained, laughing. "She broke an omnitool and Foaly told her off."

Chix obviously didn't know when to shut up, and added his take on the situation.

"That's all? I've broken at least five of those omnitools, and…"

Trouble stomped on Chix's foot to shut him up. And just in time, too. Foaly looked up right then, and apparently wasn't listening.

"What's that, Verbil? Omnitools? Yeah, she broke one. If I catch another person breaking one of those…"

Foaly's voice trailed off, leaving no doubt as to what he would do to Chix if he heard what he said clearly again.

"Uh, never mind…"

Trouble filled Chix in on what had happened with the omnitools. "…And now Foaly's sulking, because his precious invention isn't working."

Foaly overheard Trouble, and decided to argue. "It _is_ working, it's just a glitch!"

"A glitch, you say?" Chix asked mockingly. "Well, how come it melted?"

"That _was_ the glitch."

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Well? Review! Criticize! Praise! Flame!

I'll have the next chapter out by Sunday, at the latest… if everything goes right.


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